Kaylyn's Knowledge

Balance: a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. I do not know about some of you guys, but I have such a hard time balancing my life sometimes. It has been a whirlwind since my hospital stay. I feel like I have not really had any down time since then. There is this piece of me that truly wants to get plugged in to everything that comes my way whether at church, at work, or the Livingston community. I want to hang out with people, I want to be involved, and I want to feel connected. At the same time, though, I want to find solitude and rest, but I have a hard time doing that being as connected as I have been lately. I am trying to find the balance of being connected enough where I am not isolating myself again and people are not worrying about me, but also finding my down time to recharge. It also does not help that I am an introvert and my way of recharging is by being alone. Here lately, I have maybe had a few hours of just straight do...

The other day I happened to look down at my wrists, and that is when I saw them again. The scars I have from long ago. The scars I inflicted upon myself. Scars that many people do not even notice, but I do. I know they are there day after day. I am reminded of all the times I held a flame to a sewing needle then placed it to my skin until I could no longer feel the burning. All because I wanted to release the anger, hurt, fear, shame, and guilt, and that was the only way I thought it was possible. But you know what? It did not work. Part of me feels shameful when I see them again, and the other part of me feels peaceful because I have come so far in my journey since I inflicted pain upon myself. There are some days where I have intrusive thoughts of inflicting more pain on myself, and I have to refocus my mind to get those thoughts out of there. It is definitely a long, hard process. Not only are there physical scars but also mental ones. My mind has been scarred. Scarred so much t...