Kaylyn's Knowledge

I have now been out of the hospital for about two months. Some days it seems like forever ago, and then, there are days that seem like it was just yesterday that I was there. Since my hospital stay and my blog posts began, I have gotten numerous messages regarding what I have written about. Most of these messages are from people encouraging me to keep going and letting me know they are praying for me.  Then, there are the small handful that are messaging me because they are going through a lot of the same things that I write about. These are the ones I write for. These are the ones I pray for as I am on my journey. These are the ones my heart aches for because I know the struggle. These are the ones that I hope find the freedom that I have found in Christ. These are the ones that I long for them to find the hope that I have found. These are the ones I want oh so badly to find genuine joy in their lives. These are the ones I wish could see their worth. These are the ones that I...

To the one who abused me, Have your ears been burning lately? Because I have been talking about you quite a bit. Not necessarily in a positive way though. I have had to relive the memories of all the times you hurt me all over again. I have talked about details that I have tried to forget many times. I have had the images flashing through my mind over and over again. And it has only caused my anger towards you to grow. You made me feel powerless. Gross. Shameful. Guilty. Fearful. You saw an opportunity to take control of an innocent girl and you corrupted her emotionally, physically, and mentally. You probably do not even think twice about me now. I know you did not when it was all happening. You only wanted your satisfaction. I am not going to lie, I think about you almost every day of my life. Sometimes nice things, but mostly not so nice things. I am so angry at you. You were someone I trusted. Now you have a beautiful family, and here I am still struggling in all of the relat...

What I am about to say is going to probably be a shock to most of you reading this, but honestly, it was not for me: I gave my life to Christ last night. I know what you are probably thinking right now. What? That cannot be true. You have been going to church and working in ministry for so long. How could you not have Christ in your life? Well, I just didn’t. It took having a hard conversation this last week with a friend. I was asked if I had ever experienced God’s grace in my life. I honestly could not answer that question without feeling like I was making something up just to answer the question. I was then asked if I could pinpoint a time in my life where I had truly given my life over to Christ and fully trusted in knowing He could forgive my sins and that He died for them. Again, I could not say yes to that. Deep down I had known this for a very long time, but because of fear of what others might think, I just played out the Christian life that I felt everyone was expecting o...