Kaylyn's Knowledge

I have now been out of the hospital for about two months. Some days it seems like forever ago, and then, there are days that seem like it was just yesterday that I was there. Since my hospital stay and my blog posts began, I have gotten numerous messages regarding what I have written about. Most of these messages are from people encouraging me to keep going and letting me know they are praying for me.  Then, there are the small handful that are messaging me because they are going through a lot of the same things that I write about. These are the ones I write for. These are the ones I pray for as I am on my journey. These are the ones my heart aches for because I know the struggle. These are the ones that I hope find the freedom that I have found in Christ. These are the ones that I long for them to find the hope that I have found. These are the ones I want oh so badly to find genuine joy in their lives. These are the ones I wish could see their worth. These are the ones that I...

To the one who abused me, Have your ears been burning lately? Because I have been talking about you quite a bit. Not necessarily in a positive way though. I have had to relive the memories of all the times you hurt me all over again. I have talked about details that I have tried to forget many times. I have had the images flashing through my mind over and over again. And it has only caused my anger towards you to grow. You made me feel powerless. Gross. Shameful. Guilty. Fearful. You saw an opportunity to take control of an innocent girl and you corrupted her emotionally, physically, and mentally. You probably do not even think twice about me now. I know you did not when it was all happening. You only wanted your satisfaction. I am not going to lie, I think about you almost every day of my life. Sometimes nice things, but mostly not so nice things. I am so angry at you. You were someone I trusted. Now you have a beautiful family, and here I am still struggling in all of the relat...

Broken - having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order. This is the definition when you google broken. I relate so much to that definition. Broken spirit. Broken mind. Broken spirit. I find myself angry at God. (Gasp) I know, right? How can someone be angry with God? Honestly, it is pretty easy actually. As I am on this journey of healing, I find my relationship with God needs healing, but in order to get to that point, I have to be honest with Him. This is me being honest with Him. I was journaling a few weeks ago and pouring my anger out to God. Do you know what I wrote in my journal? "I hate You, God." Wow. I never thought I would say that. I am angry at Him for allowing the sexual abuse to occur. I am angry at Him for letting my parents get a divorce. I am angry that he took my grandmother away from me. I am angry at Him for taking one of my best friend's dad away when she was only 23. I am angry that he took my other best friend...