Serve Yourself
All my life I have heard “serve others” or “put others before yourself.” Let’s not forget the lovely acronym, JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself. It is drilled into us from a young age, especially if you grew up in church, but what you do not hear is to take care of yourself, or make sure to set time aside for yourself. At least not as much as you hear to serve others. To serve others well, you must take time to rest and fill yourself up, or ultimately you will crash and burn.
It is definitely not the mentality I have. This has been a struggle for me on this journey of healing. I still find myself daily thinking that I have to get this done for so and so, or I feel anxious, but I go to work anyways because I do not want to put more work on someone else. Or even when I feel like bursting into tears, I still serve that guest with a smile on my face. I do that because I have always felt the need to serve others. To serve others above myself when I am crying loudly on the inside.
I do not like to focus on myself, especially when it comes to my emotional or spiritual parts of my life. I do not like asking for help. That is why I tend to isolate myself when I am struggling in those areas of my life. I tend to have this thought cross my mind, and maybe you have too, “There are people out there who have gone through way worse than I have.” I am sure most of us have thought that at some point in our lives, but have you ever thought that maybe you are one of those who have been through way worse than someone else? Because I have not until recently. I have been through a good amount of mess than some may ever encounter in their whole lifetime. It is crazy to even think about.
Just last night my anxiety decided it wanted to flare up at 11 at night. My mind would not shut off, and I had what seemed like a million different thoughts running through my mind. Which would not normally be an issue until the thought of harming myself came into my mind. I tried to read some scripture, but the thought was too strong for me even to focus on what I was reading. So I cried, literally, out to God to take the thoughts from my mind. I sat in my bed and cried for a good hour uncontrollably. And you know what I thought to myself during this? I thought that this was failure for me. I am supposed to be getting better, so why am I having these thoughts? I am supposed to be “strong and courageous” for all of these people watching me now.
Instead I was left feeling weak and afraid. I felt weak that I had let these thoughts enter my mind. I felt afraid because I have no idea how this mental illness is going to cause my future to look like. Even though I did have those thoughts and was in a moment of weakness, I did reach out to someone who came to be with me. I made a step towards focusing on myself and asking for help. Normally before this journey started, I would not have done that at all.
But when I look at the life of Jesus, I find that even he set aside time to be alone. Jesus separated himself quite often to go pray (Matthew 14:23, Mark 6:46, Mark 1:35). He set an example that we may have never noticed: it is okay to take time to focus on yourself when you need to recharge. It is healthy to do so. If you do not take the time to do that, then you will not be any good to anyone else anyways, and your serving others will not be with a right heart or attitude. You may feel selfish or you may feel it looks like you do not care for others, but know it is the key to serving others well.
So go serve yourself. Set time aside in the week to rest, truly rest, and recharge. Do not feel that you are being selfish by any means. Focus on yourself some. Get the help that maybe you have been seeking for a while. Because if you do not focus on yourself and your emotional and spiritual life, it will begin to crumble beneath you, and that is when the real struggles in life begin. Do not let yourself get to that point. And remember, it is okay to ask for help. Show yourself some grace, and I am saying this to myself as well.
It is definitely not the mentality I have. This has been a struggle for me on this journey of healing. I still find myself daily thinking that I have to get this done for so and so, or I feel anxious, but I go to work anyways because I do not want to put more work on someone else. Or even when I feel like bursting into tears, I still serve that guest with a smile on my face. I do that because I have always felt the need to serve others. To serve others above myself when I am crying loudly on the inside.
I do not like to focus on myself, especially when it comes to my emotional or spiritual parts of my life. I do not like asking for help. That is why I tend to isolate myself when I am struggling in those areas of my life. I tend to have this thought cross my mind, and maybe you have too, “There are people out there who have gone through way worse than I have.” I am sure most of us have thought that at some point in our lives, but have you ever thought that maybe you are one of those who have been through way worse than someone else? Because I have not until recently. I have been through a good amount of mess than some may ever encounter in their whole lifetime. It is crazy to even think about.
Just last night my anxiety decided it wanted to flare up at 11 at night. My mind would not shut off, and I had what seemed like a million different thoughts running through my mind. Which would not normally be an issue until the thought of harming myself came into my mind. I tried to read some scripture, but the thought was too strong for me even to focus on what I was reading. So I cried, literally, out to God to take the thoughts from my mind. I sat in my bed and cried for a good hour uncontrollably. And you know what I thought to myself during this? I thought that this was failure for me. I am supposed to be getting better, so why am I having these thoughts? I am supposed to be “strong and courageous” for all of these people watching me now.
Instead I was left feeling weak and afraid. I felt weak that I had let these thoughts enter my mind. I felt afraid because I have no idea how this mental illness is going to cause my future to look like. Even though I did have those thoughts and was in a moment of weakness, I did reach out to someone who came to be with me. I made a step towards focusing on myself and asking for help. Normally before this journey started, I would not have done that at all.
But when I look at the life of Jesus, I find that even he set aside time to be alone. Jesus separated himself quite often to go pray (Matthew 14:23, Mark 6:46, Mark 1:35). He set an example that we may have never noticed: it is okay to take time to focus on yourself when you need to recharge. It is healthy to do so. If you do not take the time to do that, then you will not be any good to anyone else anyways, and your serving others will not be with a right heart or attitude. You may feel selfish or you may feel it looks like you do not care for others, but know it is the key to serving others well.
So go serve yourself. Set time aside in the week to rest, truly rest, and recharge. Do not feel that you are being selfish by any means. Focus on yourself some. Get the help that maybe you have been seeking for a while. Because if you do not focus on yourself and your emotional and spiritual life, it will begin to crumble beneath you, and that is when the real struggles in life begin. Do not let yourself get to that point. And remember, it is okay to ask for help. Show yourself some grace, and I am saying this to myself as well.
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