Birthday Reflections
As my 25th birthday approaches, I have done quite
a bit of reflecting on my life lately. For starters, three and a half months
ago, I did not even see myself making it to this day. I was in such a dark
place in my life and had absolutely no hope or desire to stay alive. Then, just two months ago I fully surrendered
my life over to Christ. Needless to say, a lot has happened in the last year.
This last year was not at all what I planned it to look
like, but then again, it was not my plan to make anyways. In the last year, I was
in a relationship that I thought might end in marriage but ended only in
confusion, I lost a friend who was a brother to me, I moved my entire life to
Texas, I started a career in camp ministry, I have started new friendships, I
have deepened old relationships, I went through a very dark time in my life and
contemplated suicide, I had an eight day hospital stay to get myself better, I
was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2 with rapid cycling, I have gone through
therapy, I have started a process of figuring out the correct medications, I
have gotten plugged into the community I live in, and I have jumped back in to
helping in the local church.
Whew! That sounds so exhausting when I type it all out. And
most of it was exhausting. But did you notice I said “I” at the beginning of
each of those statements? I did this, I did that. Yes, these were experiences
that happened in my life, and these were trials that were had. Some of these
events I would say were brought on because I thought I could write a better
story than God. Some of these were plans
God actually did have in mind for my life. All in all, God directed my steps
even though it might have been something I had planned. He was always there to steer me right back to
Him.
Praise Him! I am so thankful that I do not have to plan out
my life. Which is so hard for me because I am definitely a planner. Just ask
any of my closest friends. Planners are a love language of mine. Ha! What I
really want you to get out of this is that no matter how much planning, or lack
of planning, we put in to our lives, God’s ways are higher than our own! His plans are far better than anything we
could even think up on our own.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you [who are willing to learn] with My eye upon you.” Psalm 32:8
AMP
“Your Word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my
path.” Psalm 119:105 NLT
I want to encourage each of you to do some reflecting on
your own lives. Are you writing your own story? Or are you allowing God to
write it? Are you putting yourself first? Or are you putting God first? These
are very important questions to think about. I will leave you with this:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on
your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which
path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
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